SCOTT AND GREG have a good yarn to tell. It may give you a moment’s pause, but all it does here is remind me how badly I need to get out from under the to-do list and disappear for a while; get back out there with my tribe and renew my love for all the usual adversity, come what may. Be hot, cold, wet, sick, lost, bug bit—you’re out there on your motorcycle, man!
It may be prudent to highlight all 92 times the owner’s manual says May result in death or serious injury, but as Inigo Montoya would have it, “Don’t bother me with trifles.”
Greg is that kind of guy…
Just a few days before, he was in Fredericton, New Brunswick, doing the usual Canadian thing, going for the gold in his event, the freestyle freezing of the cojones. Now here he is in Florida enjoying all the winter getaway he can stand.
I don’t know Greg yet but we have mutual friends in New Brunswick, and everything I know here comes via one of them. Scott Patterson was riding just up ahead when Greg’s Africa Twin went into a high-speed wobble and pitched him.
Astute readers of the Nickels may recall that Scott is a police inspector in Fredericton. He’s one of three Canadian bikers I ran into on the boat from Newfoundland while I was making my way home from Labrador.
This was Scott at sea, preparing to disembark in Nova Scotia with the ST1300 he rode at that time.
Here he is with his current ride, the wasserboxer R1200GS.
The rules are different up north, cops can grow their beards, within reason. Canada’s a foreign country, it’s easy to forget that.
Scott and Greg, 2nd and 3rd from the left, with a couple of their riding buddies on an adventure where everyone came home unbloodied.
On February 16, Scott and Greg load up their bikes in a trailer and drive 16 hours to get south of the ice line. They unload in Mount Jackson, Virginia, and saddle up for God’s Waiting Room. The plan is to goof around there for a bit, ride the Gulf Coast to Texas, then start thinking about making their way back to the truck.
Scott picks up the tale here. Wherever you see text in a gray box, that’ll be him.
Little did Greg know, but EMTs would soon be shoveling him up off Interstate 10 and airlifting him to the trauma center at Gainesville.
His system was acclimated for 30 below, all of a sudden it’s hot. We’ve all shed the gear at one time or another. It’s never a good idea. But you do get into these situations where you ask yourself: What’s the bigger risk on this day, on this road, right now? My core temperature or hitting the pavement without a jacket?
The helmet probably saved his life. Good thing he kept it securely buckled onto his coconut. He didn’t have to, there’s no helmet law in Florida. And, to his credit, Greg had a good helmet, a $600 Shoei.
I buy $200 helmets. On account of I have a $200 head.
Relieved to be out from behind this million-dollar moving nightmare that was bouncing between the centreline and shoulder of the interstate, I moved back into the slow lane and motored happily along for about a km or so when I realized Greg wasn’t behind me. And neither was any other traffic.
I pulled over and looked back and could see the traffic was stopped back where we passed the RV, with just a few vehicles slowly trickling past. I spun my bike around and hauled ass back towards the area. As I started to slow down I could see Greg’s Africa Twin lying on its side on the shoulder of the road. The driver of a car that was driving slowly past the wreck yelled out to me “he’s alive.”
As I put the bike on the side stand, I could see a crowd of people standing around looking down at what I knew was Greg lying in the median on the grass. As I got up to him he was lying on his back with towels and blankets on him and people telling him not to move.
I asked him if he was OK and his response was “speed wobble dude how’s my bike?”
In a bad get-off you’re probably not going to be able to see your bike from where you end up. But every rider wants to know how his bike made out. I know I did.
So Greg is in need of wardrobe. His clothes had been scissored off him on the highway, standard procedure. His motorcycle boots are the only things he has to wear in public. Which is problematic.
The hospital gives Greg a set of paper scrubs to wear and bids him adieu. Scott described the look as…
It’s the wee hours and Greg’s standing on the curb looking like a person of interest on a tabloid cover. Somehow Scott needs to get the Paperman Killer into a cab before the driver can hit the gas and peel away. If he can accomplish that, the next trick will be to get Greg out of the cab and into a hotel lobby before someone locks the door and turns out the lights.
So anyway, after about four hours of lying there waiting for the death rattle, and running through my first-aid and trauma training over and over, reminding myself that I need to pay closer attention at my next recert… Is it 2 breaths and 30 compressions or 30 breaths and 2 compressions? the phone rings and it’s the hospital advising Greg that upon closer examination of his x-rays they found several breaks on his left-hand fingers and wrist and would need him to slide back on over for some more TLC.
With Greg back in the hospital now, Scott gets on the big GS and scoots 55 miles up to Lake City. The wrecked Africa Twin is in a tow yard there. In the panniers he finds enough clothes to get Greg through airport security, then he heads back to the hospital, where Greg is ashen and teetering precariously at a sink during a pain-rich changing of the bandages.
Next day, I put Greg in a cab to the Gainesville regional airport and sent him on his way back to New Brunswick for some home-style socialist medical treatment. I packed up and started making my way back towards the truck and trailer in Mount Jackson, Virginia.
Two guys can manhandle a 600-pound bike into a trailer. Not so easy for one guy. So Scott starts the bike and lets the clutch out just enough to walk it up the plank and keep it under control. There’s considerable risk of personal injury. Not to mention property damage.
Cut to an hour later, on the road north…
Yep… Hot wheel. Hot enough to light up.
Trouble comes in threes, that was on Scott’s mind. He said so a day later from Lewiston, Maine, where he stopped to grab a few hours’ sleep. Said he was looking out the window for an ET tractor beam from above, dreading the invasive procedures some abductees have reported.
I said he might as well be proactive and make Trouble #3 come to him on his own terms. I suggested blowing through the border crossing at Houlton with his foot on the gas.
He decided against it, said he would just keep on the lookout and guard all approaches.
So now, all’s well that ends well. Everybody’s home in Fredericton, Greg by air, Scott by road.
Sorry I didn’t take your advice to run the border to get the third occurrence over with. I figured that as I had already successfully avoided a possible alien abduction and anal probe I wouldn’t try my luck in jail. Cops are pretty popular there sooo…
Later brother,
Scott
Tony DePaul, February 27, 2018, Cranston, Rhode Island, USA
That was awesome!
Nothing better than a great yarn. Glad everyone was ok and made it back in mostly one piece.
“home-style socialist medical treatment” .. now thats funny!
Great article Tony. Well written and engaging. Read some of your earlier work and am looking forward to what you publish in the future.
Cheers
Spartacus
Thanks, man. Scott has a way with words. Greg is indeed “one tough bag of skin.”
Tony,
EMERGENCY FLASH FROM THE PHANTOM:
“Should earthlings be organizing a GoFundMe campaign to get Author Tony a $600 Shoei?”
“Am worried the Author has underpriced his brain at $200 – is that in USD or Canadian, by the way?”
“But, in any case, for this Phantom, it’s kind of a life and death proposition. And well worth the effort.”
“You may think it’s a selfish thing for a superhero to say. I call it Enlightened Self-interest, speaking philosophically.”
Haha! Well, the Phantom would take that position, given that he hardly has time to write his own yarns, he’s too busy speed-wobbling Evildoers into a ditch.
So, normally when I tell Jen (ask really..) that I’m looking to buy some new bike gear, I get the look, followed up by the “hmmm” which is code for “you idiot, you’re going to bankrupt us and destroy our family and we’ll be destitute, etc etc”….but this time I showed her the pic of Greg’s knuckles pre-stitch up as I suggested it would be smart if I picked up a good pair of warm weather gloves, you know, for my family’s sake and all, and she never blinked and just said “yeah that would be smart”…
Thanks Greg!
Score!
Hi Tony
What a story ,yes they tell us to wear for the crash not the ride. I hit a deer last fall but was wearing my riding gear so my slide was taken up by my gear, It was drafty when I stopped sliding down the highway but like my kid said , gear easy to replace but skin is a different story. I could of been Greg , all banged up. But also my first thought as I watched my bike slide across the highway was what damage to it. any ways a reality check for all of us that ride wear your gear.
So true, Craig. I probably need to finally break down and educate myself on the lightweight modern fabrics. For me it’s always been work boots, jeans and a leather jacket.
As soon as I saw that first photo – before I read any text I said “No Jacket – No Gloves”. OY, I know the temptation to shed in heat – I almost never do as it really doesn’t cool you off – just gives you a sense of freedom and less weight. My magic bullet for heat is a kerchief from Aerostitch that you soak in cold water and its good for about 3 hours before it needs another soaking. If you can keep your neck cool, your head will stay cool and keeping your head from overheating is the whole key. Also I have a BMW Venting Jacket, well worth its weight in gold for 100 degree + days.
I had that KTM 990 Adventure and that thing with the 21″ wheel loaded with a set of panniers did NOT like the highways and especially passing big rigs – it was a handful. Fixed it though by doing two things – second set of wheels with street tires and 19″ front, then selling the fat panniers and putting on slim Touratechs. The combination of the tires/smaller wheels/less air drag on the tail turned the wobbly KTM into an Interstate bomber. Really I sold it because I missed by GS1200! KTM is better in the dirt, but the BMW kills it on the highways.
Road Rash sucks, I do not recommend it.
I’ll have to check out one of those neckerchiefs, D. I had an evaporative-cooling vest that I used once and sent back. It was a slimy thing. Felt like wearing a Silence of the Lambs meat suit.
Dang, have had that sensation a time or two and ended up like Greg once. Not pleasant and not without pain. Have frequently wonder what causes a front end wobble, or head shake,… both of which quickly end up as tank slappers. Loose steering bearings? Too much weight on the rear and not enough on the front? What?? Either way the ending is painful. Thankfully Greg will survive it.
Scott is a great guy though we never met. He offered to help when I got stranded in Nova Scotia last summer.
Odd, isn’t it, we read about a terrible motorcycle accident and immediately we want to go riding. Just to prove to ourselves we are invincible?? Maybe reinforce our confidence in our own abilities, though it sounds like Greg did nothing wrong in his riding abilities.
There are so many factors outside of our control that determine if we will make it home each night, but then that applies equally to motorists, airline passengers and bicyclists.
Hope this does not deter Greg from returning to his love of motorcycles. Is a moment to reflect, give thanks, a bump in life’s highway but not the final chapter. Not by a long shot.
Well said, amigo!
When I heard of Greg’s wreck I immediately thought of yours in Argentina.
Very good point Tony. My KTM 350 will vibrate and wobble when motovating along paved roads. Don’t ride it on the street much though. I have ridden my buddy’s Africa Twin and my impression is that it’s a roadworthy dirt bike. Personally I don’t think I’d do any long rides on one just for comfort ability alone.
Who knows what really happened. Could be wind from the RV helped things along. Those bad boys can move some air
Thanks for the story and the reminder Tony. ATGATT for sure. I can’t remember how many times I have wanted to take some stuff off down here in the sunny south in July or August and that story reminds me of why I resist every time.
I had a pretty good one last year on a fire service road on the big GS and without the helmet and gear it would have been a much worse fall than a bruised hand and a headache!
Glad he’s safe and alive.
Hey, Jeff. I haven’t ridden an Africa Twin yet but I wonder how big a role that 21″ front wheel played. Duane Collie sold his KTM because it was a real head shaker when passing anything big on the highway. Similar wheel setup.
The iron piggy is stable as can be, 16″ & 16″ and the fork tubes are aft of the neck bearings.